For whatever reason, Mormon missionaries have targeted my college town for some thorough proselytizing. I think it may be because A) this is a college town and it’s not hard to find impressionable people and B) because I live in one of a minority of American counties with no reported Mormon population, hence they want their foot in the door. Anyway, I myself have been approached by Mormons 4 times in the past few weeks and my experience is by no means exceptional. The Mormon missionaries are all young men, usually blonde, clean cut, with big shinny name tags and thin black ties. In the past I have been kind of a push-over and got sucked into having to stand and listen to these guys make their sales pitch. I think when the missionaries approach a college student the most common reactions are... 1-Student ignores them. 2-Student harshly rejects them. 3-Student is too polite to ignore or reject and gets stuck having to listen to them. Two less common yet possible reactions would be that a student is interested in Mormonism and wants more info (though I have not witnessed this and have a hard time believing these missionaries are having any kind of success). The other would be that the confronted student makes a defense of their own faith, and this is what I did today. I was walking across town and on a long bridge. On the other side, I could see two guys wearing ties and helmets and riding fancy new bikes coming from the other direction. Right away I knew they were Mormon missionaries, but since I was on a bridge there was no avoiding them this time. The first missionary rode past me but the second one stopped in front of me and immediately started talking. Now as I said, I am usually a push-over and end up wasting a lot of time listening to these guys talk. Today however, I was a Catholic on a mission of my own; I had to get to confession (it has been too long) and was looking forward to praying the Rosary and going to Mass and being able to at last receive the Eucharist. As soon as one missionary was talking to me the other backtracked and parked his bike behind me. The wind was sweeping through the river valley and over the bridge, it was intense and howling (to get a sense of how windy it was here today, later on my walk I saw a recycling bin blowing away!) The sky looked like it would break out into a storm at any moment and the stage was set for an epic confrontation (epic in the sense that I have never before stood up to these guys.) Anyway here is the conversation as best I can remember it. *** Missionary: Hey, I'm Elder so-and-so, do you want to hear a message about Jesus Christ and the Apostles and the Gospels? Fidei Defensor: I am familiar with that message, I am Catholic, in fact I am one my way to confession right now. Missionary: Oh...well...that's cool, I'm with the Church of Jesus Christ and Later Day Saints and... FD: I said I am Roman Catholic, and I will never change. (Since this was not enough to get the guy to back off I decided I was going to start playing hardball) Missionary: Really? You would never change? What if God told you to change? FD: He wouldn't, I am part of the Church that Jesus founded in 33 A.D. you guys were founded by Joseph Smith in the 1800's in Illinois or Missouri or something. Missionary: Hey we believe the same thing, we believe that Jesus founded the Church in 33 A.D. but the Church lost its way and Joseph Smith was a prophet who God sent to put things back on track, you have to accept the revelation of God to a prophet. FD: Like Prophet Mohamed? Missionary: Revelations says there will be more prophets… FD: False prophets. Missionary: Well... (Visibly taken aback, goes to default script) Christ and God have a plan for you, and that there are still prophets on this earth today. FD: Look, I think you Mormons are nice people with some good values, but theologically I don't agree with you, and I don't appreciate you telling me I need to change my religion. Missionary: Ok, well that's very interesting, let's talk about this some more, and you can learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ and Later Day saints.... FD: Bye *** I think they were kind of shocked to see that someone besides them could be passionate about their religion. They also seemed kind of surprised to see that I knew the basics of Mormon history (i.e. I had heard of Joseph Smith.) I suppose some might say I was rude to these guys, but honestly, they get weeks of pretty advanced training in how to influence the unsuspecting. Besides, in the past I have bent-over backwards to be polite to them and this time around, telling me to abandon Catholicism as I was on my way to Church was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think it is part of these Mormon Missionaries training to be real polite, hence him trying to explain to me why we actually believe the same things, and referring to my religious activities as "interesting," and "cool," but the whole premise of it all is so condescending. Catholicism may be "interesting" and "cool" but more than that it is "One, Holy, and Apostolic," sorry Mormons no dice, we do not have the same roots. Anyway if you want to get your blood boiling a little bit, consider these three stories (all from letters to the editor in Salt Lake's paper a few years ago, regarding some controversy.) "As an LDS missionary in Italy, I stood in front of Catholic cathedrals with aggressive, determined companions who thought nothing of chasing a person down the street trying to get them to stop and talk, when it was abundantly clear the person had no desire or willingness to do so. I had companions who on occasion followed people into churches because they had not been taught to respect religious boundaries." "Missionaries were advised to scout for converts around St. Peter's Square at the Vatican and...actually stood in front of Cathedrals, telling the church-goers 'that their church was a whore.'" "When we toured the Vatican and, more importantly, the Sistine Chapel, guess who was standing just outside of the inner-sanctum door leading directly to the chapel? Yep, you got it right, the LDS missionaries passing out LDS literature, trying to convert everyone passing by...I find it hard to believe that the LDS Church authorities can carry on so about other religions passing out their religious literature when they proselytize inside a private building that is adjacent to the pope's home." Back to my story, I had to get to confession and so I cut things short with the "Elders." Clearly though, these guys were uncomfortable with being put on the defensive, especially if things started to be going towards history and theology. If I had more time I would have asked them about some of the weird things Mormonism teaches like that Jesus and Satan are brothers, Jesus had many wives and children, or that the Indians are one of the lost tribes of Israel, and all that weirdness is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, as I continued my walk to Church, I wondered what it would be like if a group of Catholics started going to Utah and doing similar missionary efforts, give those Mormons a taste of their own medicine? Then I recalled this and thought better of it. If Mitt Romney is the Republican candidate for President (though I don't think this is very likely) I will probably vote for him, but I wonder, how many voters are going to be alienated from voting for Mitt due simply to run-ins with Mormon missionaries. They might do more for the Democratic candidate than the Dems own organization. Needless to say, I remembered the young Mormon missionaries in my prayers before Mass.